melting

sometimes I wish had the abilty to choose whether I stayedin my dreams or not. Last night was one of them. Last night I must have dreamed 4 different dreams all of which I could have resided myself in for some time. But what are the metaphysical possibilities?

It's hot here. And so are the arising flames of my life.I just wish I could blow them out like birthday candles.

A few more days left of July... I'm not sure if Im prepared for the rest of the year just yet. I want time to freeze this very moment, so I can catch up with it and still have time to smile.

I've been sleepless lately... just quite the insomniac over the summer I guess.

Lately I've been feeling everything that I've wanted is too far for me to hold on to. The heat is inhabiting my bedroom and I'm convinced that leaving my windows open during the day makes it hotter. Back from a headbanging weekend up north and the only good thing about that trip was seeing "him" all weekend.

I'm diseased and dis- eased. I have been my whole life and I'm tired of it. Another empty night here with my books, useless fan, and overheated sheets. I'm 19, but I feel 30 and not thriving.

"Have you ever been in love that you can touch the moonlight?" ... yea, but I've never touched the moonlight. I wonder why poeple say that?

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin